Indefinite

How I said earlier, karma or what comes around goes around?

Okay I admit I have done wrong not once but many times. Making people miserable (for the sake of fun) and of course making fun others.

What happen was, a friend pissed off (and at last!) spurred her anger to me. Well the not pretty part was there is third party involved. And the underdog behind this was another friend of my group of friends. Whom we thought the nicest and person we could count on to. I’d never in a gazillion times expected he would do this.

Up until now, I would never forget how she spurred on me. Telling me off she is angry or mad or somehow whatever it will be. Calling me looseeerr… ( Geez, tipsy I guess. Girl, she has to make up for her vocab! At least!)

Part to be blame was me. I made up what shouldn’t happen.

Honestly, from the day that happen and the busy day I spend in KL and Tawau, the time between this back and forth period on plane has somehow made me think. I can’t blame her. I don’t even have the will of blaming her or get mad at her. Am I being a forgiver? Perhaps yes. How I hated being in a situation like this. This is not a role for being a forgiver. But to accept what has happen and how I should deal with it.

She texted me asking me to meet her to settle this mess up. But for what I think is the most ideal way is to stay away from her. By the way, this mess was made up by her. And no, I am not being a loser or what else to avoid her. I am making myself time to think and rethink on how I am going to talk with her. Of course till again at that time she would still be furious but I know I am in the right mode to control myself.

Studying was not a good moment. Reminds me back when I was at high school. However, back in high school we never will stab back at each other.

Well, doing this writing I assume will make a bit sense to me.

Shall I think about this matter further?

No.

Because, right now this momento I am missing my baby.

He is leaving soon.

This week seems no mercy on me. Exam kills but ‘the mess’ was even a killer as if slicing my skin every second. Yet there are few good things that happen. I now realize, not everything that had happen was bad. I realized how I found true friends standing besides me. How I underestimate the way they treasure friendship. It was a great feeling. Thank you God, for making me accepting when I am in the lowest self-esteem (I presume) I can face. This was a trial. I know.

And also an opportunity my dad gave me. Appointed me in the company and giving me a role I felt appreciated. You can see him smiling and making jokes as if there is no problems, deep inside no body knows how hard he work and pray for making ends meet. In anyways, he would want the best for his children. This small company my dad built, I dream of building my future on it. No one knew how this can inspires me. How meeting people, the conversation between, the interests of knowing is really aspiring to me. I see no direction ahead, but I know I can make one dream, a future as long as I keep on track.

This week also has made me take a change. A slow change I would say. For character and thinking wise please spare me uno momento. I am accepting the fact I am weak and turn to be a good person. (I am making myself miserable!) (Stop!)

What had happen is written. But we can change the fact on how we will decide and execute things in future. So self realizing is important. Before worse thing happen, at least this moment will be a better one. I don’t mind losing friends. But I mind how I should cherish friends that treat me as theirs. I pray to God for those who trusted me and helped me, please God take care of them and bless them.

Okay, this year end planning is fully booked! Party on Christmas next month and following the next two days on the 26th is packing up and head on to KL.

By the way, I can’t contact Shan. Missing in Singapore or Indonesia I guess. Why is he keeping on missing? Bobby in Bangkok and Abby will be coming to KK end of this month. Have to spend time to bring them to makan- makan.

Air Asia’s advertisement just now. I smirked. No fuel charge. But why are they charging administrative fee? It’s the same and it’s a marketing gimmick. On my flight to KL on Tuesday the flight attendant looks bizarre. What more? While coming back from Tawau, the flight attendant who has a tomboy cut and rugged attitude really disturbed me. No offence to Adrian (who says Tony Fernandez was his Uncle), where is the professionalism a flight attendant should posses? Laughing while on call to passengers? Are they taking us serious? And Oh My Goodness! Their make up! How many pounds they have it in their bags? But kudos to one flight attendant and a ground crew, who assisted my granddad on his wheel chair.

While was watching TV, I tuned into travel channel, a show about ecological friendly homes. The architectures and the structures of the house tickle my mind. Yup, this kind of stuff triggers me to draw. I like updating my knowledge on how houses with specific walls are build. On why they should be binary walls to ensure there is enough space for the house to prevent over heated and preserve the airiness indoor.

Architectures fascinate me. I just wish I have the ability to be working in a home editorial firm or at least as an interior designer. Drawing and being inspired!

Build my dream home on top of a hill in Greece. White sandy wall and a cool pool for me to waddle in the evening with a kick of tequila, the interior will be exotic; it will be a homey and spacious. Very maroon shades for the window panels and wooden boards accomplished the living room.

Not very courtier or English, I want something sophisticated yet preserving the root. Master room will be install with French window, the selection of color at this moment are a lot! I am thinking of dare greenish for the door. Wide spacious entering to the room, partition in between the restroom and the lavish bed is a two sitter facing sea living room. Airy breeze flowing into the bed, with in front is a broad sliding glass wall. The veranda of the room is placed with Bali inspired pebble stones and a vase fountain. Well local design like wood paneling, the fish catcher bumbu, or the padi bud vase made from rattan and dried woods are also my pick. Stair case to first floor, I will installed an extensive mirror.

Dim light accompanies in the hallway with futuristic paintings on wall. The kitchen will be amazed with great square blue tiles, with each 1 inch x 1 inch all over the kitchen. It resembles the ocean and awakening the calmness that I try to create. Bringing cooking time is my most precious part, and astonishing stone stove and oven installed on wall. Cooking utensils like stainless stills pots, ceramics plates and bowls, fine pieces of spoons and knifes. Do you know how much time I actually spend time looking at this stuff in Pavillion? To be exact is half a day! And how I obsessed imagining where to position the cookies jar and glass bottles. I would want a long island table connecting in between kitchen and the dining hall.

There would be an area where I can shelve my books and magazine, playing some soothing jazz in that area, with high airways near the ceilings, jades or marbles as artistic floorboards. Cooling and relaxing. The area is a place friends will mingle around. With high stools and lazy couches. If possible, there will be a fire place, on floor are a few throwing cushions on top of a mid-eastern pattern knitted carpet.

Oh yes! The pool! Semi- round as the diagrams fitted the small garden area and the walking entrance to the house. The garden will place a pergola. Roof enthuse from the Mexican exotic grass, I would like to put in a few pieces of scented candles on the one feet high pergola.

At this moment, lots of ideas pour into my mind. This dream house will situate on top of a hill. Maybe by chance I can view the sea just from my bed.

Local Houses that inspires me – Sensi Borneo in Tuaran, Kasih Sayang Resort, Farah’s House staircase, Lembah Impian’s garden and entrance, Mandor’s Neighbour in Kalansanan, My neighbour’s wooden partition, ...

If you think I am now being over the cloud nine? nah, this is how I react to myself when I am in the mood.

When it comes to architecture, or things and stuff about creating and designing, placing things in places and guessing and matching colors, mixing the theme and brainstorming one, I am so in the mood for at least in the next twenty –four hours. Like a start or vertigo for steadiness in life, or like how pen down expands your surroundings. It’s like an anticipating phase.


. I dare not promising myself if this will come true or not. Although, I know this may happen!