okay ..as supposed to the title i wrote.. i darn really hate her..
yes...for the sake of God.. i told you that i had forgive her..yet seems no mercy again ..she msg me and wrote stupdi stuff how stupidty her brain is....
all her 'menjengkelkan' ways.. i said to myself..please be patience....
- patience is virtue-
i felt like in anyway i have to tell the WHOLE WORLD how darn stupid she was and how BITCH she is...(please forgive me......)
Amir says : silence is intelligence, and i obey that quote. But its gettin` me frantic, i cant stand on my both feet to keep myself ingnoring what had happen...
perhaps, in anyway (okay im trying to console myself) God knows how dreadfull i am now....and bitch i wont care bout you..js say what ever you want as if i care... and bitch, you are stupid, count your sins and your fake beauty infront of the mirror. And bitch is stupid huh.
If you think im okay..no its not enough. But hell yeah, people say this is the process of accepting and level of maturity.
Next Agenda - to driving range, and swing as much bitch ball ... muahahahaha
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Indefinite
How I said earlier, karma or what comes around goes around?
Okay I admit I have done wrong not once but many times. Making people miserable (for the sake of fun) and of course making fun others.
What happen was, a friend pissed off (and at last!) spurred her anger to me. Well the not pretty part was there is third party involved. And the underdog behind this was another friend of my group of friends. Whom we thought the nicest and person we could count on to. I’d never in a gazillion times expected he would do this.
Up until now, I would never forget how she spurred on me. Telling me off she is angry or mad or somehow whatever it will be. Calling me looseeerr… ( Geez, tipsy I guess. Girl, she has to make up for her vocab! At least!)
Part to be blame was me. I made up what shouldn’t happen.
Honestly, from the day that happen and the busy day I spend in KL and Tawau, the time between this back and forth period on plane has somehow made me think. I can’t blame her. I don’t even have the will of blaming her or get mad at her. Am I being a forgiver? Perhaps yes. How I hated being in a situation like this. This is not a role for being a forgiver. But to accept what has happen and how I should deal with it.
She texted me asking me to meet her to settle this mess up. But for what I think is the most ideal way is to stay away from her. By the way, this mess was made up by her. And no, I am not being a loser or what else to avoid her. I am making myself time to think and rethink on how I am going to talk with her. Of course till again at that time she would still be furious but I know I am in the right mode to control myself.
Studying was not a good moment. Reminds me back when I was at high school. However, back in high school we never will stab back at each other.
Well, doing this writing I assume will make a bit sense to me.
Shall I think about this matter further?
No.
Because, right now this momento I am missing my baby.
He is leaving soon.
This week seems no mercy on me. Exam kills but ‘the mess’ was even a killer as if slicing my skin every second. Yet there are few good things that happen. I now realize, not everything that had happen was bad. I realized how I found true friends standing besides me. How I underestimate the way they treasure friendship. It was a great feeling. Thank you God, for making me accepting when I am in the lowest self-esteem (I presume) I can face. This was a trial. I know.
And also an opportunity my dad gave me. Appointed me in the company and giving me a role I felt appreciated. You can see him smiling and making jokes as if there is no problems, deep inside no body knows how hard he work and pray for making ends meet. In anyways, he would want the best for his children. This small company my dad built, I dream of building my future on it. No one knew how this can inspires me. How meeting people, the conversation between, the interests of knowing is really aspiring to me. I see no direction ahead, but I know I can make one dream, a future as long as I keep on track.
This week also has made me take a change. A slow change I would say. For character and thinking wise please spare me uno momento. I am accepting the fact I am weak and turn to be a good person. (I am making myself miserable!) (Stop!)
What had happen is written. But we can change the fact on how we will decide and execute things in future. So self realizing is important. Before worse thing happen, at least this moment will be a better one. I don’t mind losing friends. But I mind how I should cherish friends that treat me as theirs. I pray to God for those who trusted me and helped me, please God take care of them and bless them.
Okay, this year end planning is fully booked! Party on Christmas next month and following the next two days on the 26th is packing up and head on to KL.
By the way, I can’t contact Shan. Missing in Singapore or Indonesia I guess. Why is he keeping on missing? Bobby in Bangkok and Abby will be coming to KK end of this month. Have to spend time to bring them to makan- makan.
Air Asia’s advertisement just now. I smirked. No fuel charge. But why are they charging administrative fee? It’s the same and it’s a marketing gimmick. On my flight to KL on Tuesday the flight attendant looks bizarre. What more? While coming back from Tawau, the flight attendant who has a tomboy cut and rugged attitude really disturbed me. No offence to Adrian (who says Tony Fernandez was his Uncle), where is the professionalism a flight attendant should posses? Laughing while on call to passengers? Are they taking us serious? And Oh My Goodness! Their make up! How many pounds they have it in their bags? But kudos to one flight attendant and a ground crew, who assisted my granddad on his wheel chair.
While was watching TV, I tuned into travel channel, a show about ecological friendly homes. The architectures and the structures of the house tickle my mind. Yup, this kind of stuff triggers me to draw. I like updating my knowledge on how houses with specific walls are build. On why they should be binary walls to ensure there is enough space for the house to prevent over heated and preserve the airiness indoor.
Architectures fascinate me. I just wish I have the ability to be working in a home editorial firm or at least as an interior designer. Drawing and being inspired!
Build my dream home on top of a hill in Greece. White sandy wall and a cool pool for me to waddle in the evening with a kick of tequila, the interior will be exotic; it will be a homey and spacious. Very maroon shades for the window panels and wooden boards accomplished the living room.
Not very courtier or English, I want something sophisticated yet preserving the root. Master room will be install with French window, the selection of color at this moment are a lot! I am thinking of dare greenish for the door. Wide spacious entering to the room, partition in between the restroom and the lavish bed is a two sitter facing sea living room. Airy breeze flowing into the bed, with in front is a broad sliding glass wall. The veranda of the room is placed with Bali inspired pebble stones and a vase fountain. Well local design like wood paneling, the fish catcher bumbu, or the padi bud vase made from rattan and dried woods are also my pick. Stair case to first floor, I will installed an extensive mirror.
Dim light accompanies in the hallway with futuristic paintings on wall. The kitchen will be amazed with great square blue tiles, with each 1 inch x 1 inch all over the kitchen. It resembles the ocean and awakening the calmness that I try to create. Bringing cooking time is my most precious part, and astonishing stone stove and oven installed on wall. Cooking utensils like stainless stills pots, ceramics plates and bowls, fine pieces of spoons and knifes. Do you know how much time I actually spend time looking at this stuff in Pavillion? To be exact is half a day! And how I obsessed imagining where to position the cookies jar and glass bottles. I would want a long island table connecting in between kitchen and the dining hall.
There would be an area where I can shelve my books and magazine, playing some soothing jazz in that area, with high airways near the ceilings, jades or marbles as artistic floorboards. Cooling and relaxing. The area is a place friends will mingle around. With high stools and lazy couches. If possible, there will be a fire place, on floor are a few throwing cushions on top of a mid-eastern pattern knitted carpet.
Oh yes! The pool! Semi- round as the diagrams fitted the small garden area and the walking entrance to the house. The garden will place a pergola. Roof enthuse from the Mexican exotic grass, I would like to put in a few pieces of scented candles on the one feet high pergola.
At this moment, lots of ideas pour into my mind. This dream house will situate on top of a hill. Maybe by chance I can view the sea just from my bed.
Local Houses that inspires me – Sensi Borneo in Tuaran, Kasih Sayang Resort, Farah’s House staircase, Lembah Impian’s garden and entrance, Mandor’s Neighbour in Kalansanan, My neighbour’s wooden partition, ...
If you think I am now being over the cloud nine? nah, this is how I react to myself when I am in the mood.
When it comes to architecture, or things and stuff about creating and designing, placing things in places and guessing and matching colors, mixing the theme and brainstorming one, I am so in the mood for at least in the next twenty –four hours. Like a start or vertigo for steadiness in life, or like how pen down expands your surroundings. It’s like an anticipating phase.
. I dare not promising myself if this will come true or not. Although, I know this may happen!
Okay I admit I have done wrong not once but many times. Making people miserable (for the sake of fun) and of course making fun others.
What happen was, a friend pissed off (and at last!) spurred her anger to me. Well the not pretty part was there is third party involved. And the underdog behind this was another friend of my group of friends. Whom we thought the nicest and person we could count on to. I’d never in a gazillion times expected he would do this.
Up until now, I would never forget how she spurred on me. Telling me off she is angry or mad or somehow whatever it will be. Calling me looseeerr… ( Geez, tipsy I guess. Girl, she has to make up for her vocab! At least!)
Part to be blame was me. I made up what shouldn’t happen.
Honestly, from the day that happen and the busy day I spend in KL and Tawau, the time between this back and forth period on plane has somehow made me think. I can’t blame her. I don’t even have the will of blaming her or get mad at her. Am I being a forgiver? Perhaps yes. How I hated being in a situation like this. This is not a role for being a forgiver. But to accept what has happen and how I should deal with it.
She texted me asking me to meet her to settle this mess up. But for what I think is the most ideal way is to stay away from her. By the way, this mess was made up by her. And no, I am not being a loser or what else to avoid her. I am making myself time to think and rethink on how I am going to talk with her. Of course till again at that time she would still be furious but I know I am in the right mode to control myself.
Studying was not a good moment. Reminds me back when I was at high school. However, back in high school we never will stab back at each other.
Well, doing this writing I assume will make a bit sense to me.
Shall I think about this matter further?
No.
Because, right now this momento I am missing my baby.
He is leaving soon.
This week seems no mercy on me. Exam kills but ‘the mess’ was even a killer as if slicing my skin every second. Yet there are few good things that happen. I now realize, not everything that had happen was bad. I realized how I found true friends standing besides me. How I underestimate the way they treasure friendship. It was a great feeling. Thank you God, for making me accepting when I am in the lowest self-esteem (I presume) I can face. This was a trial. I know.
And also an opportunity my dad gave me. Appointed me in the company and giving me a role I felt appreciated. You can see him smiling and making jokes as if there is no problems, deep inside no body knows how hard he work and pray for making ends meet. In anyways, he would want the best for his children. This small company my dad built, I dream of building my future on it. No one knew how this can inspires me. How meeting people, the conversation between, the interests of knowing is really aspiring to me. I see no direction ahead, but I know I can make one dream, a future as long as I keep on track.
This week also has made me take a change. A slow change I would say. For character and thinking wise please spare me uno momento. I am accepting the fact I am weak and turn to be a good person. (I am making myself miserable!) (Stop!)
What had happen is written. But we can change the fact on how we will decide and execute things in future. So self realizing is important. Before worse thing happen, at least this moment will be a better one. I don’t mind losing friends. But I mind how I should cherish friends that treat me as theirs. I pray to God for those who trusted me and helped me, please God take care of them and bless them.
Okay, this year end planning is fully booked! Party on Christmas next month and following the next two days on the 26th is packing up and head on to KL.
By the way, I can’t contact Shan. Missing in Singapore or Indonesia I guess. Why is he keeping on missing? Bobby in Bangkok and Abby will be coming to KK end of this month. Have to spend time to bring them to makan- makan.
Air Asia’s advertisement just now. I smirked. No fuel charge. But why are they charging administrative fee? It’s the same and it’s a marketing gimmick. On my flight to KL on Tuesday the flight attendant looks bizarre. What more? While coming back from Tawau, the flight attendant who has a tomboy cut and rugged attitude really disturbed me. No offence to Adrian (who says Tony Fernandez was his Uncle), where is the professionalism a flight attendant should posses? Laughing while on call to passengers? Are they taking us serious? And Oh My Goodness! Their make up! How many pounds they have it in their bags? But kudos to one flight attendant and a ground crew, who assisted my granddad on his wheel chair.
While was watching TV, I tuned into travel channel, a show about ecological friendly homes. The architectures and the structures of the house tickle my mind. Yup, this kind of stuff triggers me to draw. I like updating my knowledge on how houses with specific walls are build. On why they should be binary walls to ensure there is enough space for the house to prevent over heated and preserve the airiness indoor.
Architectures fascinate me. I just wish I have the ability to be working in a home editorial firm or at least as an interior designer. Drawing and being inspired!
Build my dream home on top of a hill in Greece. White sandy wall and a cool pool for me to waddle in the evening with a kick of tequila, the interior will be exotic; it will be a homey and spacious. Very maroon shades for the window panels and wooden boards accomplished the living room.
Not very courtier or English, I want something sophisticated yet preserving the root. Master room will be install with French window, the selection of color at this moment are a lot! I am thinking of dare greenish for the door. Wide spacious entering to the room, partition in between the restroom and the lavish bed is a two sitter facing sea living room. Airy breeze flowing into the bed, with in front is a broad sliding glass wall. The veranda of the room is placed with Bali inspired pebble stones and a vase fountain. Well local design like wood paneling, the fish catcher bumbu, or the padi bud vase made from rattan and dried woods are also my pick. Stair case to first floor, I will installed an extensive mirror.
Dim light accompanies in the hallway with futuristic paintings on wall. The kitchen will be amazed with great square blue tiles, with each 1 inch x 1 inch all over the kitchen. It resembles the ocean and awakening the calmness that I try to create. Bringing cooking time is my most precious part, and astonishing stone stove and oven installed on wall. Cooking utensils like stainless stills pots, ceramics plates and bowls, fine pieces of spoons and knifes. Do you know how much time I actually spend time looking at this stuff in Pavillion? To be exact is half a day! And how I obsessed imagining where to position the cookies jar and glass bottles. I would want a long island table connecting in between kitchen and the dining hall.
There would be an area where I can shelve my books and magazine, playing some soothing jazz in that area, with high airways near the ceilings, jades or marbles as artistic floorboards. Cooling and relaxing. The area is a place friends will mingle around. With high stools and lazy couches. If possible, there will be a fire place, on floor are a few throwing cushions on top of a mid-eastern pattern knitted carpet.
Oh yes! The pool! Semi- round as the diagrams fitted the small garden area and the walking entrance to the house. The garden will place a pergola. Roof enthuse from the Mexican exotic grass, I would like to put in a few pieces of scented candles on the one feet high pergola.
At this moment, lots of ideas pour into my mind. This dream house will situate on top of a hill. Maybe by chance I can view the sea just from my bed.
Local Houses that inspires me – Sensi Borneo in Tuaran, Kasih Sayang Resort, Farah’s House staircase, Lembah Impian’s garden and entrance, Mandor’s Neighbour in Kalansanan, My neighbour’s wooden partition, ...
If you think I am now being over the cloud nine? nah, this is how I react to myself when I am in the mood.
When it comes to architecture, or things and stuff about creating and designing, placing things in places and guessing and matching colors, mixing the theme and brainstorming one, I am so in the mood for at least in the next twenty –four hours. Like a start or vertigo for steadiness in life, or like how pen down expands your surroundings. It’s like an anticipating phase.
. I dare not promising myself if this will come true or not. Although, I know this may happen!
Fading into the complexity of life.. Aper-dah-jadi?
When a person says ‘Things happen for reason’, would you never want to believe it?
When there in times, you feel the most crucial part is to let go, and run far away, way far from this life.
When you know family and friends are not sticking with you.
When the reality of life is excruciate and making you wonder does all this worth what you want?
When considering the person or friends that you hang on doesn’t really counts on you.
How many of them really understand your perspective?
And thinking “They are all dumb ass and stupid bitch”
It gets on my nerve nowadays when people I consider as friends never get into the fact that despite age is catching up, we have now become adults. Why do we have to react immature? Fine to me, where sometimes we have to play and joke but periodically life needs to be serious.
And no, I am not jealous or hypocrite.
If you think that it is hard to find the person to be same wavelengths as yours, I truly agree. And yes, we do have to squeeze into the society where no one is perfecto and not in the same kind of thinking as we are.
But, why when you can accept the fact that they are a-different-kind of person yet they aren’t able to do so to you?
Regardless of how old a person is, the sentiments of being selfish and ego still exist. The urge to morose and rage in everything... Oh! Its sucks!
By the way,
I believe, if you are trying to be famous, at least make your brain works.
When there in times, you feel the most crucial part is to let go, and run far away, way far from this life.
When you know family and friends are not sticking with you.
When the reality of life is excruciate and making you wonder does all this worth what you want?
When considering the person or friends that you hang on doesn’t really counts on you.
How many of them really understand your perspective?
And thinking “They are all dumb ass and stupid bitch”
It gets on my nerve nowadays when people I consider as friends never get into the fact that despite age is catching up, we have now become adults. Why do we have to react immature? Fine to me, where sometimes we have to play and joke but periodically life needs to be serious.
And no, I am not jealous or hypocrite.
If you think that it is hard to find the person to be same wavelengths as yours, I truly agree. And yes, we do have to squeeze into the society where no one is perfecto and not in the same kind of thinking as we are.
But, why when you can accept the fact that they are a-different-kind of person yet they aren’t able to do so to you?
Regardless of how old a person is, the sentiments of being selfish and ego still exist. The urge to morose and rage in everything... Oh! Its sucks!
By the way,
I believe, if you are trying to be famous, at least make your brain works.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Who Am I?
I am a person who loves food
I am a person who loves laugh
I am a person who likes cooking so much that, one afternoon while was watching AFC, i asked my aunt to buy a barbeque pit and i bbq in her apartment. Of course, as you would expected, smokes coming out from the veranda as if the apartment was in fire! Please dont mark me as crazy.
I am a person who appreciate friends more than my relatives. Basically, my cousins and i are like so -so not closed.
I am a person who are always on the move looking for money. Well, if you think im business minded, then thats seasonal.At the moment, i am comtempleting on a sttionary shop nearby my study place. Still looking for ground floor lots.
I am a person who has no patience.(I totally admit!) No patience in doing things, no patience in studying (reasons for low grades), no patience in everything. LOL
I am a person who clicks well with my dad! (Strongly agree..!) Like father like daughter! People says that daughter clicks well with their dad, but not as cool as mine! My dad teaches me everything. From our hobbies talking bout`cars and business and politics, and girls n` boys, and food, and interior designs, and architectures, and future plannings..my dad is like my other half. We share 'sigups' amd drinks. My dady, i considered the coollest is the one who teaches me to smoke.HaHa! If you think thats bad influence? Nah, he motivates me in another way. If werent him, i will be still using my pocket money to buy dunhill till today, smoking inside my room or starve just for buying it. And no dad in this world, will bring their kids to night clubs and pub. My dad did! His reason were to make me & my bro 'see' different phrases of life. (Uncle was hugging another lady, and dad n mum were drunk..left me & my bro sleeping in the sofa).(btw, they were kinda reluctant to send us home'alone' and decided bringing me and my bro was another way to expose us).and yet if you considered that is disasterous worse nightmare for a parent? You are wrong. From that day, i learnt how to go clubbing with pre-caution mind, how i learn to drink and not heavy drunk, how i learn to pay my hangovers with rashes (alcohol allergics) and how i made my mind that clubbing is -nothing fun- for me. =)
I am a person who loves adventure. White water rafting!
I am a person who enjoys outings. Lepaking is another form of outing i guess....humm. Anyway, the whole family does. Just recently after dad bought the new 4x4, we were always on the road to places like sandakan, tawau and lahad datu..etc. Bring my grandparents for overnights in kundasang and touring in search of mangoes in tuaran and tamparuli (Crazy bout` mangoes). Well, its a good sign tho.. building up good realtionships with family members.
I am a person who is eclectic. Diverse to be with? Think so. Kinda flexible to mix with. I dont mind who you are, just minding who you wanna be. Bad attitude? Dont be scared-off if i tell it straight to your face.
I am a person who .is...trying not to judge myself. Writting the stuff i lke the most yet not trying to tell you or brag myself that im the most brainy.
I am a person who loves laugh
I am a person who likes cooking so much that, one afternoon while was watching AFC, i asked my aunt to buy a barbeque pit and i bbq in her apartment. Of course, as you would expected, smokes coming out from the veranda as if the apartment was in fire! Please dont mark me as crazy.
I am a person who appreciate friends more than my relatives. Basically, my cousins and i are like so -so not closed.
I am a person who are always on the move looking for money. Well, if you think im business minded, then thats seasonal.At the moment, i am comtempleting on a sttionary shop nearby my study place. Still looking for ground floor lots.
I am a person who has no patience.(I totally admit!) No patience in doing things, no patience in studying (reasons for low grades), no patience in everything. LOL
I am a person who clicks well with my dad! (Strongly agree..!) Like father like daughter! People says that daughter clicks well with their dad, but not as cool as mine! My dad teaches me everything. From our hobbies talking bout`cars and business and politics, and girls n` boys, and food, and interior designs, and architectures, and future plannings..my dad is like my other half. We share 'sigups' amd drinks. My dady, i considered the coollest is the one who teaches me to smoke.HaHa! If you think thats bad influence? Nah, he motivates me in another way. If werent him, i will be still using my pocket money to buy dunhill till today, smoking inside my room or starve just for buying it. And no dad in this world, will bring their kids to night clubs and pub. My dad did! His reason were to make me & my bro 'see' different phrases of life. (Uncle was hugging another lady, and dad n mum were drunk..left me & my bro sleeping in the sofa).(btw, they were kinda reluctant to send us home'alone' and decided bringing me and my bro was another way to expose us).and yet if you considered that is disasterous worse nightmare for a parent? You are wrong. From that day, i learnt how to go clubbing with pre-caution mind, how i learn to drink and not heavy drunk, how i learn to pay my hangovers with rashes (alcohol allergics) and how i made my mind that clubbing is -nothing fun- for me. =)
I am a person who loves adventure. White water rafting!
I am a person who enjoys outings. Lepaking is another form of outing i guess....humm. Anyway, the whole family does. Just recently after dad bought the new 4x4, we were always on the road to places like sandakan, tawau and lahad datu..etc. Bring my grandparents for overnights in kundasang and touring in search of mangoes in tuaran and tamparuli (Crazy bout` mangoes). Well, its a good sign tho.. building up good realtionships with family members.
I am a person who is eclectic. Diverse to be with? Think so. Kinda flexible to mix with. I dont mind who you are, just minding who you wanna be. Bad attitude? Dont be scared-off if i tell it straight to your face.
I am a person who .is...trying not to judge myself. Writting the stuff i lke the most yet not trying to tell you or brag myself that im the most brainy.
Today....
Seriously......im nervous bout` tomorrow! :)
Tomorrow's agenda
4am - Accompany my aunt to buy 'ham sui fo'. Not hamsap! But illegal stuff (I know i know...)
10am- Ready for the gigs!Attending gigs. My friends' band is perfoming. Belalang Tempur & Kunci Doraemon! Goyangz will be performing too.. So, gonna` wear all black! Lol..the theme is 60's & 70's, possible to wear retro attire?
AND THE REST OF THE DAY......(still waiting for his answer...on what is the status of the bbq)
Tomorrow's agenda
4am - Accompany my aunt to buy 'ham sui fo'. Not hamsap! But illegal stuff (I know i know...)
10am- Ready for the gigs!Attending gigs. My friends' band is perfoming. Belalang Tempur & Kunci Doraemon! Goyangz will be performing too.. So, gonna` wear all black! Lol..the theme is 60's & 70's, possible to wear retro attire?
AND THE REST OF THE DAY......(still waiting for his answer...on what is the status of the bbq)
Sunday, October 19, 2008
What Hurts The Most
Today 18th October 2008, day started with waking up late… my parents went to Beaufort. Called Zaiful and he offer to send me to Azeem’s house.
List of people I met today, from the time I woke up …
My Mum
My Dad
My Momo and Tiger
A dog sleeping next to a car
My Grandparents
My Cousin, Tommy
The lady who sells reload
Zaiful
Pink
Wiwie
Amy
Amy’s Husband
Azeem
Asron
Azeem’s Parents
Azeem’s Relatives
My Cousin, Cory
Cory’s Friend, Ikiy
Waitress
My Mum and Dad
My Cat, Momo
My Mum
2pm – Zaiful fetch me to Azeem’s house
5.15pm- Finish eating session (Open House) at Azeem’s place
Cory pick me at Likas and went to Tg.Aru Beach for a drink
7.45pm- Sent Cory’s friend, Ikiy back to her house
8pm- Arrive home and got scolded for wearing like a ‘Datin’. (Wahahahahaha….)
8.15pm- Finish my shower.
8.49pm- Missed call to Jeremy and he called back. Guess what?! He just landed,
(Zaiful told me earlier that Jeremy will be piloting the flight from KL)He is in first
beach… (Just 3 meters away from the place I sat)
9pm- Fold my clothes and clean my room
9.25pm- Start drafting my Proposal for an upcoming project.
10.15pm- I called him. Miss him ..but….
10.41pm- Wiwie called me. Asking me some stuff.
10.50pm- Download some love songs… (In an ‘indescribable’ mood)
10.56pm-Updating blogs and recall what I did today.
10.59pm- I’m boring. How I miss Philippines and the food. How I miss making myself
isolated from this world. How I miss having a cold hearted heart. How I miss the.
times that I live and breath for not thinking bout’ him. How I miss the feeling of ‘
un-pathetic’. How I miss being a bully and hated everyone for a moment. And
how I wanted to grown up, again.. and make sure I don’t think of nonsense and
stay optimistic in life.
11.12pm- Listen to Rascal Flatts, What Hurts The Most?
And so what hurts the most? I remember the first time I listen to this song was when a friend of mine sends it to my YM. He was heart broken. He told me about the girl he loved so much and because of one mistake he did, she left him. And so the thing that hurt him was she left him. At this moment I asked me myself, what hurt me most? It will be so pathetic to say backstabbers or things that happen in life like dead hurt me most. I mean that is hurt, but not that kinda of ‘hurt’ description. I haven’t found the answer for what makes me hurt the most. I guess, I will wait the day when he meet me… then I will say he is the one who will make what hurt the most in me. ..
‘takkan pernah habis air mataku, bila ku ingat tentang dirimu….. mungkin hanya kau tahu mengapa sampai saat ini ku masih sendiri... adakah disana kau rindu padaku ..meski kita kini ada di dunia berbeda.....bila masih mungkin waktu berputar kan ku tunggu dirimu.. biar la ku simpan sampai nanti aku akan ada disana..tenang la dirimu dalam kedamaian ...dengar la cinta ku..kau tak terlihat lagi..namun cinta mu abadi.....’
One thing that ‘kills’ me is my parents. I will sacrifice my life for them. I will do anything. Yet, sometimes I just can’t take it anymore. It’s like so hard to live in her dictatorship and his egoism. Let me remind you that, living with people who cant accept their wrong doings as a mistake and think they are bloody powerful to discipline me is horrified. Somehow they are not ‘diplomatic’. How I wanted to end my life so much that I have blade in my drawer. But I was coward. I didn’t dare to. I remind myself how life can be so fascinating. Is this the phrases that take place in everyone’s life? Nah... If anyone would think I’m the person who laughs and smiles, who yells and jokes, who cares and mocks, and also who is a person who loves doing stupid stuff and pranks. You haven’t seen the weedy side of me. How I wanted to die now… and in the progression of asking myself, am I going to hell….. Okay, and yes I am weak. How I need Abbe and Bobby right now to scream at me. Again I miss them so much! Peoples that I’ve met and I cherished so much. Shan, Bobby and Abbe. Who gives me thought of life and who accepted me as a friend despite age, race and flaw.
I hugged Teddy to sleep. –end-
List of people I met today, from the time I woke up …
My Mum
My Dad
My Momo and Tiger
A dog sleeping next to a car
My Grandparents
My Cousin, Tommy
The lady who sells reload
Zaiful
Pink
Wiwie
Amy
Amy’s Husband
Azeem
Asron
Azeem’s Parents
Azeem’s Relatives
My Cousin, Cory
Cory’s Friend, Ikiy
Waitress
My Mum and Dad
My Cat, Momo
My Mum
2pm – Zaiful fetch me to Azeem’s house
5.15pm- Finish eating session (Open House) at Azeem’s place
Cory pick me at Likas and went to Tg.Aru Beach for a drink
7.45pm- Sent Cory’s friend, Ikiy back to her house
8pm- Arrive home and got scolded for wearing like a ‘Datin’. (Wahahahahaha….)
8.15pm- Finish my shower.
8.49pm- Missed call to Jeremy and he called back. Guess what?! He just landed,
(Zaiful told me earlier that Jeremy will be piloting the flight from KL)He is in first
beach… (Just 3 meters away from the place I sat)
9pm- Fold my clothes and clean my room
9.25pm- Start drafting my Proposal for an upcoming project.
10.15pm- I called him. Miss him ..but….
10.41pm- Wiwie called me. Asking me some stuff.
10.50pm- Download some love songs… (In an ‘indescribable’ mood)
10.56pm-Updating blogs and recall what I did today.
10.59pm- I’m boring. How I miss Philippines and the food. How I miss making myself
isolated from this world. How I miss having a cold hearted heart. How I miss the.
times that I live and breath for not thinking bout’ him. How I miss the feeling of ‘
un-pathetic’. How I miss being a bully and hated everyone for a moment. And
how I wanted to grown up, again.. and make sure I don’t think of nonsense and
stay optimistic in life.
11.12pm- Listen to Rascal Flatts, What Hurts The Most?
And so what hurts the most? I remember the first time I listen to this song was when a friend of mine sends it to my YM. He was heart broken. He told me about the girl he loved so much and because of one mistake he did, she left him. And so the thing that hurt him was she left him. At this moment I asked me myself, what hurt me most? It will be so pathetic to say backstabbers or things that happen in life like dead hurt me most. I mean that is hurt, but not that kinda of ‘hurt’ description. I haven’t found the answer for what makes me hurt the most. I guess, I will wait the day when he meet me… then I will say he is the one who will make what hurt the most in me. ..
‘takkan pernah habis air mataku, bila ku ingat tentang dirimu….. mungkin hanya kau tahu mengapa sampai saat ini ku masih sendiri... adakah disana kau rindu padaku ..meski kita kini ada di dunia berbeda.....bila masih mungkin waktu berputar kan ku tunggu dirimu.. biar la ku simpan sampai nanti aku akan ada disana..tenang la dirimu dalam kedamaian ...dengar la cinta ku..kau tak terlihat lagi..namun cinta mu abadi.....’
One thing that ‘kills’ me is my parents. I will sacrifice my life for them. I will do anything. Yet, sometimes I just can’t take it anymore. It’s like so hard to live in her dictatorship and his egoism. Let me remind you that, living with people who cant accept their wrong doings as a mistake and think they are bloody powerful to discipline me is horrified. Somehow they are not ‘diplomatic’. How I wanted to end my life so much that I have blade in my drawer. But I was coward. I didn’t dare to. I remind myself how life can be so fascinating. Is this the phrases that take place in everyone’s life? Nah... If anyone would think I’m the person who laughs and smiles, who yells and jokes, who cares and mocks, and also who is a person who loves doing stupid stuff and pranks. You haven’t seen the weedy side of me. How I wanted to die now… and in the progression of asking myself, am I going to hell….. Okay, and yes I am weak. How I need Abbe and Bobby right now to scream at me. Again I miss them so much! Peoples that I’ve met and I cherished so much. Shan, Bobby and Abbe. Who gives me thought of life and who accepted me as a friend despite age, race and flaw.
I hugged Teddy to sleep. –end-
Geezzzz.....
Went into the wrong gender washroom. What are your thoughts about that? See, I have to admit I am clumsy (of course I am!) I went into the male washroom because I mistaken a guy went into (which I thought was male washroom at first, idiotically! Its opposite was a female washroom and actually the guy was exiting the back door to the garden. Okay, so go ahead with the funny part, I finish my hand washing (and did a few admiring of the interior of the washroom though...) I turn around to get my hand dry and I saw a guy walking in front of me. I was like –Jaw dropped!- I said, ‘ Sorry, this is a guy’s toilet?’ and he replied in pretending to be cool ‘Uhh. Yeah…’ A man in his late 50s saw me and said ‘ Oh, its okay, tak kisah , guna sajalah.’ .. I walked out. Supposedly it was embarrassing, I panic and ran to my table!
While was in Sutera Harbour yesterday, I almost went into the wrong toilet again! My cousin pulls me and drags me to the females’ toilet. Laugh my ass out!
While was in Sutera Harbour yesterday, I almost went into the wrong toilet again! My cousin pulls me and drags me to the females’ toilet. Laugh my ass out!
Monday, October 13, 2008
The Start
Once again, being influence by the media. I have come to a state of mind where how lucky (again, again and again...) I am… brought up in a simple life, goes to school, wearing my pinafore, my white –yellowish shoe and my heavy school bag. Start of from the least alike ‘kinda’ classes in primary and studied in a totally well diverse secondary school. The environment had shaped me into a person I’d sometimes forget the identity. The type of personality and somehow the way I think and my perspective. I am really blessed! Well, I wont lied that I have never ever complained! Actually I complained a lot. I guess writing will make me self reflect myself. So here am I. landed myself in one of the few thousand blog website or will I say that the online diary.
Did you ever wonder? Waking up in the middle of the night or the wee hours panicking? You have no idea what is going on with outside? And probably you would say ‘I don’t think this is going to happen?!’ Well, I got this imagination (some influence by the new year time I visited the Philippines, loud and clear fire works [was it bazooka?]) actually a mix of Taliban running around with a machine guns, or the fanatic Jewish yelling here and there (got this from Don’t tell my mother, from National Geographic where Diego went to Gaza), where this mix of situation end up like a real nightmare. I’ d compare myself to the kids in the streets of civil wars, countries fighting for so called justice and nations that are struggling to set up a stable government to wipe out poverty and bring hopes to people. Who am I in this safety warm core? Yet still complaining and unsatisfied. If you would give a penny to those kids in Somalia a trade of freedom running around they will perhaps go for the penny because their families doesn’t have enough to eat. Yet, who am I sitting here and who have the comfort of safely go to classes where people listen and speak to you.
Once more, like I had written at my welcome note, the intention of my writings is for my reflection. Being humble and nice sometimes is not enough, we have to keep on pushing our self knowing we do have wrong moves and speak at the wrong time. Nothing or ever a person is considered perfect. Perhaps, being perfectionist also doesn’t mean a person never been guilty? Most probably its compulsive disorder.
* Being humble and smiling makes you a normal person, being smart and bossy makes you a wholly shit-not-to-mess-around, being chilled and warm at summer is like bring a thermometer the whole year through making people to brainstorming you identity, and lastly smiling, and friendly yet back stabbing and look like a whore or Gaylord is people I swear I will run down them and make friends with. =) because it’s better to know your enemy in life. If you won’t consider that as enemy, you have to think twice that life is like being predator. Hunting and swimming till the end of the river.
Did you ever wonder? Waking up in the middle of the night or the wee hours panicking? You have no idea what is going on with outside? And probably you would say ‘I don’t think this is going to happen?!’ Well, I got this imagination (some influence by the new year time I visited the Philippines, loud and clear fire works [was it bazooka?]) actually a mix of Taliban running around with a machine guns, or the fanatic Jewish yelling here and there (got this from Don’t tell my mother, from National Geographic where Diego went to Gaza), where this mix of situation end up like a real nightmare. I’ d compare myself to the kids in the streets of civil wars, countries fighting for so called justice and nations that are struggling to set up a stable government to wipe out poverty and bring hopes to people. Who am I in this safety warm core? Yet still complaining and unsatisfied. If you would give a penny to those kids in Somalia a trade of freedom running around they will perhaps go for the penny because their families doesn’t have enough to eat. Yet, who am I sitting here and who have the comfort of safely go to classes where people listen and speak to you.
Once more, like I had written at my welcome note, the intention of my writings is for my reflection. Being humble and nice sometimes is not enough, we have to keep on pushing our self knowing we do have wrong moves and speak at the wrong time. Nothing or ever a person is considered perfect. Perhaps, being perfectionist also doesn’t mean a person never been guilty? Most probably its compulsive disorder.
* Being humble and smiling makes you a normal person, being smart and bossy makes you a wholly shit-not-to-mess-around, being chilled and warm at summer is like bring a thermometer the whole year through making people to brainstorming you identity, and lastly smiling, and friendly yet back stabbing and look like a whore or Gaylord is people I swear I will run down them and make friends with. =) because it’s better to know your enemy in life. If you won’t consider that as enemy, you have to think twice that life is like being predator. Hunting and swimming till the end of the river.
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